Scene One  Two                          

  

 

Go to Home Page

 

 

If the Preacher Aint Right

 

This play can be done in the sanctuary, fellowship hall or theater.  As you read through it, keep in mind that you have the freedom to add to or take away from the set as needed.  We only lay out the basics to set the mood and create a flow to the performance.  What’s neat about this play is that you have options.  You can perform it all at once or you can use the scenes as episodes of an ongoing adventure.  One fun thing you can do is present it as a radio program.  As a side note, you can even ask your audience to point out all the things wrong this particular church after the play.  It should generate some great feedback.  This also gives me the joy of being able to add to the story later.

 

Setting

 

All of the action in this play takes place in the reception area of the fictional Amazing Faith Christian Fellowship Center of Atlanta.  It’s an office setting with a reception desk (much like one you would find in a hotel) right in the middle toward the back of the stage.  To either side of the stage, you should place some chairs for people who are waiting for appointments.  People will enter and exit from both the left and right sides of the stage.  Don’t forget to put a phone at the desk. 

 

For those who will use a stage, here are a couple of more suggestions.  If possible, a back drop behind the reception desk with the words “ Amazing Faith Christian Fellowship Center ” or “AFCFC” would be a nice touch to make the scenery more authentic.   You could also put the initials on the front of the reception desk.  Add plants to either side of the desk as well.

 

Storyline

 

Amazing Faith is one of the fastest growing churches in the country and you will take your audience on a journey to find out why.  You’ll let them see the day to day operations of one of the biggest mainstream churches in America and they will see just how they grew so fast.

 

Christ Object Lessons

 

You will go overboard to show your audience how everyone is invited to the church except Jesus.  It’s also a warning about how easily we can get caught up in prosperity and lose our grip on Biblical principles.  

 

Cast of Characters

 

Reverend Washem (short for wash them, pronounced “Washum”)

Sis. Washem (the co-pastor of the church)  
Minister Pain (the pastor's right hand man who's in and out of the church constantly)

Deacon Timid (President of the deacon board and ruler of nothing)

Sis. Willa Mae Jenkins (the secretary and receptionist for the church.  Runs the church)

Bro. Nofire (the Minister of Music who moonlights at the Pink Flamingo Dance Hall )

Sis. Wayback (the woman who’s been mother of the church since way back)

Sis. Flair (the church nurse who’s in love with the pastor)

Bro. Bare (the church janitor who has more sense than all of them).

 

Visitors (people with short parts)

 

James and Rita Pays (looking for a church and willing to pay for front row seats)

Betty Needs (A single woman with 3 children who’s looking for the Lord)

Ms. Reach (an elderly woman who left a corrupt church and is looking for a new one)

 

 

Final Important Notes

 

This is a running play, meaning that one scene runs right into the next without long breaks.  That may be scary for some but let me assure you that once you get the concept it’s no big deal and can actually be fun.  You can make this play as simple or elaborate as you want.  Either way, the message is crystal clear.  Enjoy!

 

 

If the Preacher Aint Right  

Scene One   

Scene One  Two Top of Page

 

Monday Morning
Who's Running the Church Anyway?

 

It’s the beginning of a new week and everyone at AFCF is busy looking after their daily duties.  Bro. Nofire is tucked away in the corner quietly working on new song.  The only problem is that every new song he comes up with is drawn from an existing R&B song.  Sis. Willa Mae is at her desk typing the pastor’s sermon for the next service.  As usual, she’s taking the liberty of changing everything she doesn’t like.  Sis. Washem keeps running in and out to ask Willa Mae’s opinion on her 10,000 sets of hats and shoes.  The pastor is consumed with his new marketing ideas.  He’s also running in and out talking to himself.

 

While all of this is going on, Bro. Bare (the church janitor) is sweeping, dusting and answering everybody’s questions.

 

Willa Mae- (typing and talking)  Instead of calling this sermon “The Tomb was Empty,” we’re gonna jazz that up a little bit and call it “Angels in the Outfield.”  (Impressed with herself) Have mercy Jesus.  (She reads the sermon aloud.)  Early in the morning on the first day of the week, Mary, the mother of Jesus, and the other Mary went to the tomb to dress the body of Jesus.  Hmmmmmn.  We got to change that.  How about (starts to preach) They may have laid her Savior in the tomb on good Friday but Mary got up Sunday morning with running in her feet and praises on her lips shouting “Where’s my Jesus?”  (Willa Mae feels a little jolt of Holy Ghost power as she stands up because she feels a shout coming on.)  Where have you laid my Lord?!!!

 

<<<Bro. Nofire begins to play some up-tempo shouting and dancing music.  He also encourages Sis. Willa Mae to continue.  Meanwhile, when the janitor enters the room and sees Willa Mae dancing, he immediately starts dancing too with broom in hand.>>>>

 

Willa Mae-  Where have you laid my Jesus? (With her deep voice)  Where’ve you lay-eh-aid my Lawd!

 

<<<The telephone rings and Sis. Willa Mae drops everything and immediately switches to her professional voice as she answers the phone quickly.  The janitor goes right back to sweeping.>>>>

 

Willa Mae-  Amazing Faith Christian Fellowship Center, may I help you? (pause) Sure honey, we’re in downtown Atlanta right next to the Federal Building.  (pause) Uh huh.  O.K., honey, we’ll take care of you as soon as possible.  (hangs up the phone.)

 

<<<The pastor and first lady enter from each of their offices.  Both are in a hurry to talk to Willa Mae.>>>  

 

Pastor-  (angry) Willa Mae, I’m sure I wrote that David did a holy dance in my sermon for yesterday.  Can you tell me how the words “bang head bounce” got into my sermon?

 

<<<Willa Mae sheepishly hunches her shoulders as if she doesn’t know.>>>>>

 

First Lady- Never mind that girl. What do you think about this hat for the prayer breakfast?

 

Willa Mae-  Girl that’s sharp!  But unless their having the prayer breakfast in Mexico, you might stand out a little too much.

 

<<<The janitor has a real big laugh.>>>

 

Janitor- If you ask me-

 

Pastor- Nobody asked you!  Willa Mae, will you please type my sermons the way I write them?

 

<<<Everyone in the room clears their throat to let Willa Mae know not to listen to the Pastor.>>>

 

Pastor- (Asking everyone) What’s wrong with my sermons?

 

<<<<Everyone tries to play it off by making themselves look busy and Bro. NoFire starts singing his new song to the tune of “I Believe I Can Fly by R. Kelly”.>>>>

 

NoFire- The manna fell from the sky, sky, sky.  It didn’t get dirty when it hit dessert floor. But still they didn’t want no more.  The manna fell from the sky, sky, sky.  The manna fell from the sky_____.

 

First Lady-  Bro. NoFire, you can’t sing that.

 

NoFire- What’s the matter?  You all don’t like that?

 

Janitor-  I’m sure R. Kelly needs some help with those high lawyer fees. 

 

First Lady- Yeah, that’s “I Believe I can Fly.”

 

NoFire- O.K. What about this one? (singing) You’re once, twice, three times a Savior and I love you.

 

All- Brother NoFire!

 

<<<<He gets upset and stops playing and singing.>>>>

 

NoFire- Alright. But Y’all don’t say anything when Kirk Franklin does it.

 

<<<<<A nicely dressed couple enters the room and heads toward the counter.>>>>>

 

Bro. Pays- Hi, I’m Brother Pays.  I believe I spoke with you on the phone.

 

Willa Mae- Yes, nice to meet you.  If you just take these forms, sit down over there and fill out this application, we’ll be glad to help you.

 

Sis. Pays- Application?  We thought we would be able to ask a few questions about the doctrine of the church and then go from there.

 

Willa Mae-  You must be Sister Pays?

 

Sis. Pays- Yes.

 

Willa Mae-  Let me explain this to you Sister Pays.  Under the anointed vision that God has given Pastor Washem who is the head of this flock, we are selective about who’s allowed to join this church.

 

Sis. Pays- That’s ridiculous.  I never heard of such a thing.

 

Pastor- Hi brother and sister Pays.  I’m Reverend Washem.

 

Couple- How are you Pastor?

 

Pastor- Let me ask you a question.  Did everyone who joined Gideon’s army to take the promised land get to go?

 

Bro. Pays- No they didn’t.

 

Pastor-  That’s right.  And let me tell you why.  God knew that everybody’s heart wasn’t in it.  It’s this kind of dead weight that drags the whole church down.  Now if you’re serious about the Lord, this little application and fee won’t be any problem for you whatsoever.

 

Sis. Pays- Fee?

 

Bro. Pays- Hold on honey. (Pulls her off to the side).

 

Sis. Pays- I know you’re not going for this?

 

Bro.  Pays-  Baby, we can afford it.  Don’t you want to be a part of something that makes a difference?

 

<<<<Sis. Pays turns back to look at Pastor Washem who is smiling and giving her the thumbs up.>>>>

 

Sis.  Pays-  I don’t know.

 

Bro. Pays- Honey, you don’t have to trust him.  Trust me.  I want to give it a shot.

 

Sis.  Pays-  Well the ATM is right over there.  I’m gonna sit down.

 

<<<Sis. Pays sits in the reception area while Brother Pays goes over to get the application from Willa Mae while talking to the Pastor.>>>>

 

Bro. Pays- Thank you Pastor for giving us this opportunity to worship with you.

 

Pastor- No problem at all brother.  Just let me bring your attention to the last part of the application that talks about assigned seating.  You see, the diamond members sit in the front and bronze sit in the back.

 

Bro.  Pays- Who are the diamond members?

 

Pastor- Oh, those are the folks who contribute the most financially to the vision.

 

<<<<Bro. Pays shakes the Pastor’s hand and thanks him.  Bro. NoFire starts singing to end the scene.  Everyone joins in.>>>>

 

NoFire- Hush, hush, somebody’s calling my name.  Oh-oh-oh, hush, hush, somebody’s calling my name.  Oh my Lord, oh my Lord what shall I do?

 

End of Scene One.

 

Scene One  Two   Top of Page 

 

If the Preacher Aint Right

Scene Two

 

Monday Afternoon
The Word Is Out

 

The scene opens with Deacon Timid (a 64 year old man wearing corduroy pants and a plaid shirt with a baseball cap) standing at the reception desk talking to Sis. Willa Mae.

 

Deacon-  I’m telling you Willa Mae, these Amazing Faith license plates are gonna sell like hotcakes just the way they are.

 

Willa Mae-  Deacon Timid, we can’t show the silhouette of a naked woman on a church license plate.

 

Deacon-  That woman aint naked.  She’s just full figured.  Besides, that’s just your dirty mind.

 

Willa Mae-  Deacon Timid?  Just stop, O.K.!  What’s the purpose of a woman being on a church license plate?

 

<<<<Sister Flair (the seductively dressed church nurse) enters the room and approaches the desk right in the middle of their conversation.>>>>>

 

Sis. Flair-  Hey, have you guys seen Sis. Washem?

 

<<<<Deacon Timid is pleasantly surprised to see Sister Flair.  He takes a toothpick from his pocket, sticks it in his mouth and gives her a big sexy grin.  Willa Mae looks at him as he is a sick old man.>>>>>

 

Deacon- Sister Flair, we were just talking about you.

 

Sis. Flair- Were you?  You were saying something good I hope?

 

Deacon- Oh yeah.  You know old Deac be thinking ‘bout you now.

 

Willa Mae- Stop it you old goat before I call Sister Timid down here!

 

Deacon- Sister Timid don’t run nothin’ here.

 

Willa Mae- Betty, Sister Washem was here this morning but she’s gone now.  She had to take a big hat back to a store on the west side.  Do you want to leave her a message.

 

Sis. Flair- No honey, that’s alright.  Can I speak with the Pastor?

 

Willa Mae- (with an attitude) I’m sorry.  He’s busy right now.  I’d be glad to pass on to him whatever you’d like to say.

 

Sis.  Flair-That’s alright Willa Mae.  (she pulls out her cell phone and calls the pastor by touching one button.)  Hey, Pastor it’s me.

 

Deacon- (whispering to Willa Mae in disbelief)  Does she have the Pastor on speed dial?

 

Willa Mae- Oooooweee, you know I’m calling Sister Washem, don’t you?

 

Sis.  Flair- (still on the phone) Uh huh.  I’m standing out here with your secretary now.  She won’t let me in.  Uh huh.  You still want to talk to me about the thing don’t you? O.K.

 

Deacon- (to Sis. Flair)  Sorry, it didn’t work out for you sweetheart.  Perhaps you’d like to escort an old man to a late lunch?

 

Sis. Flair-  Oh, that’s sweet Deacon Timid but the Pastor told me to come on back.  (walking toward the Pastor’s study)  Willa Mae, if anybody’s looking for me, you know what to tell ‘em.

 

Willa Mae- (picking up the phone and talking to the Deacon)  I sholl do.  I’m calling the First Lady.

 

<<<Out of no where, Bro. NoFire starts playing his keyboard and singing.  >>>>>

 

NoFire- There’s a leak in this old building y’all and my soul has got to move.  My soul has got to move to a building not made by man.

 

Willa Mae-  Hello, Sister Washem?  This is a 911 from home base.  We got a 411 in progress.  You need to handle your business.  Say what?  Girl put those hats down and get on back here.  (she hangs up the phone  and smiles at the new visitor who’s now standing in front of her.)   May I help you Maam?

 

Ms. Reach-  Hey sweetie, I’m Ms. Reach from True Light down the street.

 

Willa Mae-  Yes, Mother Reach, what can I do for you?

 

Ms. Reach-  There was a lot of mess going on down there at True Light.  I’m looking for a church that’s gonna stand for something!  The wrath of God is coming down on all these false churches that play with His word.

 

Willa Mae- Oh, I understand Mother Reach.  Did you fill out your application?

 

Ms.  Reach-  (handing over her paperwork) Yeah, I don’t have much but if it’s truly for the Lord, I’ll give it.

 

<<<<This statement causes Willa Mae and Deacon Timid to pause and think.  Deacon Timid takes the application from Willa Mae and hands it to Ms. Reach.>>>>>

 

Deacon- You know what Mother Reach?  You don’t need an application.  Just come on down to the service Sunday and enjoy yourself.

 

Ms. Reach-  (happy) Oh, bless you.  I knew this was the right church to come to! 

 

<<<Ms. Reach exits and the janitor enters with a water bottle and starts spraying the plants.>>>>

 

NoFire- (singing) I know it was the blood.  I know it was the blood for me!  One day when I was lost, he dies upon the cross and I know it was the blood for me.

 

Deacon-  Willa Mae, we got to do something about this.

 

Willa Mae-  I know.

 

Deacon- When we first started this church, it wasn’t like this.  All this talk about money and buying and building.  Willa Mae, did you ever think we would have an ATM in the church?

 

Willa Mae- No but what could we do?

 

NoFire- (singing) What shall I do?

 

Willa Mae- Not now Bro. NoFire!  I’m trying to think.

 

Janitor-  If you were to ask me, I’d tell you that the problem is simple.  If the preacher aint right, aint nothing else gonna be right.

 

Deacon- Oh come on.  It’s not that simple man. We have a church full of folks who are happy with things just the way they are.  You can’t put all that on the preacher.

 

Janitor-  True.  But who’s the one person that affects everything else that happens here?

 

NoFire- (coming around from his keyboard)  You know the cleaning man just might be on to something.

 

Willa Mae- Yeah, but what could we do about it?

 

Janitor-  That’s simple too.  Confront him with the Word.  Tell him that we’ll commit to following the Word if he does.

 

NoFire- But what if that doesn’t work?

 

Janitor- Then tell him that you’re taking the issue before the church as whole.

 

NoFire- You know Pastor Washem will tell us all off if we proposed such a thing.

 

Janitor-  Too bad.  If you want to set things strait, that’s the way the Bible says do it.

 

<<<Sister Washem enters the room wearing sweat pants and her hair tied back.>>>

 

First Lady-  Where is she?!  Where’s that little tramp?!!!!

 

<<<<The first lady charges toward the Pastor study but they all hold her back.>>>>>

 

Janitor-  Calm down First Lady.  We’ve been talking and we think we have a Biblical solution to this problem.  Now, do you want to save your marriage?

 

First Lady- (reluctant)  Well, yeah.

 

Janitor- Then hear us out.

 

End of Scene Two.

 

 

 

Scene One  Two Top of Page